Father calls me William, sister calls me Will,
Mother calls me Willy, but the fellers call me Bill.
Mighty glad I ain't a girl, rather be a boy;
Without them sashes, curls, and things that's worn by Fauntleroy.
Fact is, most 'o the time the whole year though there ain't no flies on me;
'Cept jes 'fore Christmas when I'm as good as I can be.
Got a yeller dog named Sport, sick him on the cat.
First thing she knows she don't know where she's at.
Got a clipper sled, and when us kids go and slide
Along comes the grocery cart;
so we all hook a ride.
But sometimes, when the grocery man is irrated and cross,
He reaches down with his old whip and larrups up his hos'.
Then I laugh and holler, "You never teched me!"
'Cept jes 'fore Christmas when I'm as good as I can be.
Grandma says she hopes, when I get to be a man,
I'll be a missionary like her oldest brother Dan;
Who was 'et up by the cannibals down on Cylan's Isle,
Where every prospect pleases and only man is vile.
But grandma has never been to see a wild west show,
Nor read the life of Daniel Boone or I guess she'd know
That Buffalo Bill and cowboys is good enough for me;
'Cept jes 'fore Christmas when I'm as good as I can be.
Then 'ol Sport he hangs around all solemn like and still;
His eyes seem a sayin', "What's the matter little Bill?"
The cat sneaks down off her perch and wonders what's become
Of those two enemies of her'n that used to make things hum.
But I'm so perlite, and tend so ernestly to biz
That mother says to father, "How improved our Willy is.
"But father, having been a boy his-self, suspicions me
When jes 'fore Christmas I'm as good as I can be.
For Chistmas, with it's candies, cakes, and toys,
Was made, they say, for "proper kids" and not for naughty boys.
So wash your face and brush your hair and mind your "P's & Q's."
And don't bust out your pantiloons and don't wear out your shoes.
Say, "Yes'm" to the ladies and "Yessir" to the men,
And when there is company for dinner don't pass your plate for pie again.
Jes think'n of those things you want to see upon that tree,
Jes 'fore Christmas be as good as you can be.
